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Hookin' Up: Jessica Mendoza on Sex and Dating
Softball, Olympic gold medalist, Pan American Games gold medalist, 2002 world champion
When I was in the eighth grade, I started hanging out with a couple of girls from the cool crowd. I was so psyched that they liked me and wanted to spend time with me. They were going out with these high school guys. Before I knew it, a high school guy asked me out, too. It seemed like the best thing ever. He was 16. He drove a car, and I felt like he was a god. I was so excited.
Our first “date” wasn’t really a date. We just went over to someone’s house, and everyone broke off into couples. My friends disappeared behind closed doors, and I was left alone with Paul. I had never had a boyfriend before, and I didn't really know what to expect. We started kissing. That was OK. Then he tried to go further. Not OK. I stopped him and pushed him away. I felt strange about the whole thing, and I asked Paul to drive me home. He was okay about it, even polite -- that first time.
The next couple of times, the same thing happened. We would make out, and he would try to do more. I didn't really know what to do. But I did know that it didn't feel right. I was totally uncomfortable. We never went anywhere, and all we talked about was sex.
He was my first boyfriend. Obviously, I really wanted him to like me. But things weren’t going well. He stopped being polite about it. He kept pressuring me to go further. But I said, "No! I can't do this!" So after three or four times, he broke it off.
Getting dumped was devastating. I felt hurt and insecure about the whole thing. Was I supposed to be doing what he wanted? Was there something wrong with me? My so-called friends were no help. They teased me and called me a prude. They told everyone.
Looking back now, I realize Paul was a total loser. What was he doing with a 13-year-old girl, anyway? He didn’t want to get to know me at all. He only wanted to have sex. And I wasn’t ready for that.
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Trust yourself and have confidence in your decisions.
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That experience came and went. In high school, my boyfriend was my best friend. We were really close, and he was good to me. I learned what it meant to be in a caring relationship. When I was 13, a little voice in my head kept saying, “Don’t do this.” It kept getting stronger and stronger, until I finally listened.
I guess it was partly instinct. I don’t know. You have to learn to trust yourself and have confidence in your decisions. There are so many times in life when you come to that fork in the road and you have to make a decision. Have faith in your own feelings, and know that it’s okay to listen to that little voice.
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