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The Anger Inside: Anger Management with Sharon Monplaisir
Fencing, three-time Olympian; two-time gold medalist in the Pan American Games
I grew up very, very poor. All around me was violence and danger. I felt like an outsider most of my childhood. I was also so very uncomfortable with my tall, skinny body. When I started fencing as a teenager, a whole new world opened up for me. I met many wonderful and kind people. I became strong and graceful. I felt special. I found my talents. I learned to keep working toward my dreams. And my dreams were coming true.
But just as I learned to love being an athlete I also began to fear losing it all. The self-confidence I was gaining would all disappear when the fear and rage would take over. Not only was I afraid of losing the fencing competition, I was afraid of losing the respect I had earned and my newfound identity as a powerful athlete. If I were losing a bout, I would have temper tantrums. I would throw off my fencing mask. I would scream. I would hurl my glove across the floor. I sometimes even cursed at the officials.
I received a scholarship to college. I got to travel around the world. I became a champion. My life improved dramatically. I had earned tremendous respect. I was a celebrity. Now I had even more to lose. I was always afraid of ending up starving or homeless. In my mind, if I were not winning at fencing I would lose everything I had achieved.
So the uncontrollable anger after losing a match or tournament continued. My unruly behavior only occurred when I was competing. I had very little patience for making mistakes, and a fencer definitely needs patience. I didn’t really like how the anger made me look and feel. It gave me a tight feeling in my throat. It made it hard for me to breathe. I was embarrassed about my anger, but I couldn’t help it.
I never thought that I could change until my boyfriend, a fellow competitor, said something to me. He told me that my behavior was childish and a total waste of energy. He said that my actions were giving people the wrong opinion of me. It was as if I woke up one day and realized how destructive my anger really was. My love for him and my desire to have his respect caused me to try to work on controlling my anger.
In order to change, I had to remind myself that winning and losing were not tied to my self-worth as a person. I had to learn to calm down and not let the anger build. I learned how to prevent the temper tantrums. I worked at it, and I finally believed that regardless of my fencing results, I would still be wonderful, special, loved human being.
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