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Fitting In: Jeanette Lee "The Black Widow" on Diversity and Tolerance
Billiards, Gold Medalist in the inaugural Billiards World Games
I grew up in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn, N.Y., the daughter of Korean immigrants. Although it was a neighborhood full of ethnic minorities, I was the only Asian-American. Being a kid was tough for me – I was pretty unhappy a lot of the time. Because I was different, I didn’t have tons of friends. Everyday, I was made fun of everywhere I went - in my neighborhood and at school. I would be tormented with "Hey, China girl" or "Chink" or "Ching Chong Cholly Wong." I fronted like I could ignore the teasing, but deep down it was tearing me apart.
Everyone wants to fit in. It’s hard enough for young girls to deal with growing up. I was smaller, less developed and distinctly different-looking. The bullies never even cared about getting to know the real me. Sometimes I would react to the teasing and name-calling by shouting, "Stop" or "Shut up!” Needless to say, I got beat up a lot! Most of the time I would just cry. Nobody ever had my back. I felt very alone.
Constantly being knocked made me an angry kid. It made me not want to be around people at all. I thought there were too many bad people, and that all the nice people were victims. The seventh grade was the worst for me. Fortunately my mother saw the harm it was doing and removed me from the school and sent me to a private school in Manhattan where the kids were nicer. But, I think that it had already affected me. I was very wary of people hurting me. Then I was accepted to the Bronx Science School in ninth grade. It was a whole new world. There were all kinds of kids and so many Asian-Americans. Although I still had my guard up a lot, I could see, for the first time, that all kinds of kids could be accepted for being uniquely themselves.
Life started to shine for me when I was 18 and began shooting pool. Inside, I knew that billiards was my destiny. The more I practiced and played, the more my self-confidence grew. I started to focus on my talent and strengths and stopped tripping about what other people thought about me. And something else happened. I went from always being the "outcast” to being the "trend-setter." I felt unique, not like a freak. As I gained respect for myself, it was easier to accept and trust the respect from I got from others. Prejudice and intolerance kept people from seeing the good in me – and in some ways, kept it hidden from me as well. Had I not found the light in myself through billiards when I was a teenager, my self-consciousness and anger would have totally changed the person that I am proud to be today.
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